It happened. Yesterday around 11:20 p.m. I don’t feel any different. But man, it was big.
BigBoy brought me coffee in bed, which was so sweet, but then he looked intently in my eyes and said, “Yep, you look old Mom.” Great. Hello, Forty.
Yes, I turned forty. Yes, Four-Ohhhh. As in “Ohhh my goodness, can I really be that old?” Yes. I am four decades old. Wow. Can’t hardly wrap my brain around that.
I know a lot of people that have treated this birthday as no big deal (they are mostly men). I know it weighs heavily on others (mostly women). Forty is a big milestone, it’s not jut another birthday. It means something. It’s another chapter. It’s the other side of the hill. I mean c’mon, we very likely could live another 40 years, right? That IS the plan.
Last year I had dinner with two guy friends from high school and we were laughing at the prospect of turning 40. Mr. PX90 had taken on a personal campaign of Fit at 40 and I thought, why not? I too could make a change in my health, a friend’s father had just past, my Dad just had stints put into his heart, and I was feeling deeply reflective on life; feeling like I needed to make a change (see “pay now or pay later” to see where I’m coming from).
I have spent the last year eating better, learning more about food and how it works (or doesn’t) for my body, and I found an exercise program that I love. So yes, I’m fit at forty and in the best shape I’ve been in the last 10 years. In fact last weekend, I bought my first two-piece bathing suit in 13 years. My recent visit to Palm Springs really did a number on me and I cringed at being the only woman in the resort pool who was wearing a one piece (and wasn’t pregnant). My friends thought I was a weirdo for wearing a beach cover-up walking to the restroom. Really, it wasn’t necessary. There was a lot more skin around the pool to look at. No one was looking at me other than “what is that woman thinking???” I need to get over my modest, Southern ways and show more skin. It’s what women do in SoCal even at my age (which is ridiculous, I know). I’m just subscribing to the notion that everything looks better tanned (even stretch marks). So I’m doing it. Somebody, please get me a drink, please. I’m gonna need that liquid courage.
And then I look at my lovely community of friends, neighbors and family and I am RICH. I love the people in my life. My girlfriends are smart, funny, diverse and priceless. I am blessed to have two beautiful little boys that make me laugh and teach me so much. My husband is patient and kind, and we’re learning together what it is to have a long-term committed marriage. My relationship with my original family is good even though I don’t see them as much as I would like to. I practice acceptance and gratitude with my in-laws and that’s moving in a positive direction.
I have designed my work life to be inclusive of my family as a WAHM. I am able to financially contribute doing work that I enjoy (community manager for small businesses using social media and marketing communications), which is cool. And I can still drop off and pick up the kids and participate a bit with school activities, which I feel is important to be involved at that community level. Do it while I can, I say. Pretty soon my kids won’t want me to be around at all.
So life is good. I’m doing good. I believe that I have the power to change the things that I don’t like and I know what I am at work on. I’d like to write more. I’d like to spend more time in my yard with my family. There are things that I would like to buy and change about my house, but I know that will come in time. Nothing is broken and all is well as it is.
My hope for you is that when you turn forty you too will say, “all is well.” And you’ll continue to say that every birthday through the monumental ones and the insignificant ones. And those years when you’re not feeling it, you figure out what you need to change and you go out and make a difference for yourself. Because I believe we all can. It just depends on how important it is to you. When you’re truly sick of whining about your life then you’ll really do something about it.
I believe in the words, “if you don’t love your life then shame on you.”
Having a well-lived life is important to me. It’s meaningful for me to be healthy, have a happy family life, live in community with others and be well in body, spirit and mind. It’s not rainbows and butterflies, but I work at it because it’s what gives my life meaning. It’s what’s true for me.
Turning 40 has been an opportunity to reflect on that milestone. And all I feel is joy and gratitude. I hope you’ll feel it too.
